A couple of months ago, Martha posted a link to the terrible ethical quandries faced by new parents choosing disposable vs. cloth diapers. The problem with these debates is that they're very public, but only if you are a parent. Otherwise, you pay them as much attention as you do a bitter theological dispute that's splitting apart someone else's church — if you're even aware of it, it seems like a big flap over nothing.
What I discovered as an expectant parent was that child-rearing and even child bearing are conversational minefields. It's as if a simple introduction invited strangers to tell you what they believed about God, personal finance, and the next election. The guy who sells me coffee once a week launched into a tirade about the evils of hospital births. Coworkers admit to having received anaesthesia during labor, but only in whispered tones after giving the office a good scan to make sure we're not overheard.
There's a great article in Salon this week by Ayelet Waldman, who probably gets tired of being described as Michael Chabon's wife. It contains gems like "While many baby wearers surely care little about what anyone else is doing, it is inarguable that certitude generally does not tolerate dissent." And my favorite: "I'm sure that there are women who circumcise their sons, use disposable diapers and feed their infants formula who are smug, snarky and unpleasant. But..."
Living in Austin, I inhabit much of the same world that Ayelet Waldman does. I recognize the whispered admissions about cribs, the conversations that take the tone of a consciousness-raising when the difficulty of breastfeeding is mentioned, as well as the hasty retreat in the face of scorn from "AP" practitioners. And thanks to her, I now understand another reason why a man with a baby carrier gets strange looks from passers-by: they're afraid I'll denounce them.
Posted by Ben Brumfield at August 16, 2005 04:27 PMThough you'll notice that in two pages of whining about how picked upon she is she comes up with exactly one example of anyone personally intruding on her parenting choices. Which turns out to be the same number of times that she has done the same thing to someone else. Can't we call that a wash?
Posted by: Alan Allport at August 16, 2005 05:05 PMSpoilsport. You'd probably say the same thing if she or I had written about the same sort of tut-tutting I've seen people within the Evangelical world get for not homeschooling.
Posted by: Ben Brumfield at August 16, 2005 08:50 PMProbably. It reminds me too much of what you might call the Sunday Times school of column writing - where the author identifies a social trend based upon what X said at last week's dinner party.
Posted by: Alan Allport at August 17, 2005 04:09 AM