Horizon

Waiter Rant

Perhaps I just don't have enough "material" in my profession. Perhaps the general public doesn't react well to stories whose zinger is "and he didn't believe in relational integrity constraints!" Regardless, there is simply nothing I could write about my day's labor that could match Waiter Rant, a blog by a professional waiter and former seminarian that's so good it demands the consumption of each morcel from its archives. Waiter, this quote's for you!

And if he were not lively about it, if he did not go with a nimble hop-skip-and-jump, then Tashtego had an ungentlemanly way of accelerating him by darting a fork at his back, harpoonwise. And once Daggoo, seized with a sudden humor, assisted Dough-Boy's memory by snatching him up bodily, and thrusting his head into a great empty wooden trencher, while Tashtego, knife in hand, began laying out the circle preliminary to scalping him. He was naturally a very nervous, shuddering sort of little fellow, this bread-faced steward; the progeny of a bankrupt baker and a hospital nurse. And what with the standing spectacle of the black terrific Ahab, and the periodical tumultuous visitations of these three savages, Dough-Boy's whole life was one continual lip-quiver. Commonly, after seeing the harpooneers furnished with all things they demanded, he would escape from their clutches into his little pantry adjoining, and fearfully peep out at them through the blinds of its door, till all was over.